Previous Bad Jokes of the Month from 1997
1996, January1997, February 1997, March 1997,April 1997, May 1997, June1997, July 1997, August 1997,September 1997, October 1997,November 1997, December 1997,1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004,
Bad Joke of the Month for December 1997:
Adam was returning home late one night at paradise after drinking with the dodo and the unicorn. Eve got angry and yelled at him: "YOU ARE SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN"
Adam responded: "Don't be silly, you are the only woman on earth" and went to sleep.
Later that night Adam woke up. Filling a tickle in his chest and saw it was Eve. "What the heck are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm counting your ribs" she responded.
Bad Joke of the Month for November 1997:
It was the final day of a three year French course. The teacher had worked very hard to teach his students to communicate fluently in French.
He asked a student, "What would be the first words he would say to a frenchman in France?" The teacher expected 'Bon jour Comment allez-vous' (Good day, How are you) The student answered "Parlez-vous englais?" (Do you speak english?)
via India Pulse: Joke
Bad Joke of the Month for October 1997:
In the days where tall, wooden ships sailed the high seas, there was this one ship sailing during a war.
That morning, the lookout shouted, "enemy ship on the horizon."
The captain said to his ensign, "Get me my red shirt." The ensign, rather bewildered from this odd request, did as his captain ordered. Thought he battle was a long one, the captain and his crew managed to fend off the enemy ship.
Later that day, the lookout shouted, "two enemy ships on the horizon."
As before, the captain said to his ensign, "Get me my red shirt." And, as before, the ensign did as his captain asked. The battle took the rest of the day to fight, and managed to defeat the two enemy ships.
That evening, the ensign asked his captain, "Sir, Why, before every battle, do you ask for your red shirt." The captain replied, "Well, if I am wounded in battle, the blood will not show and the crew will continue to fight." The crew was listening, and they were impressed. They had a brave captain.
The next morning, the lookout shouted, "Ten enemy ships on the horizon. "The ensign looked at his captain, waiting for the usual orders. The captain said to his ensign, "Ensign, get me my brown pants."
via Larry D.
Bad Joke of the Month for September 1997:
Once in a land far away there lived a beautiful young princess that planned to put on the biggest ball of the year. Naturally she wanted everything to be just right. So she called the best piano tuner in all of the land, Opornockety.
Opornockety came and tuned the piano 2 days before the gala event. But to the dismay of our fair princess, on the very morning of the ball she discovered that someone had been playing on the piano and it was again out of tune. Quickly she summoned Opornockety to come immediately and tune the piano again before her guests arrive.
Opornockety sent a reply that he couldn't do that.
Do you know why?
Because Opornockety tunes but once.
via Jokeaday.com
Bad Joke of the Month for August 1997:
In August it is too hot in Phoenix to even try to be funny. How about "It's a dry heat." Oh my, wasn't that funny. You know it's hot when you go to your car in the morning and it is already overheating.
Bad Joke of the Month for July 1997:
An oldish couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. They decided to do a small test. They took a ten dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table, and hid, pretending they're not home. The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard." So, the parents waited nervously, hiding in the nearby closet. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left. Then, he took the ten dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it. Then, he grabbed the bottle, opened it and took a whiff, to get assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items. The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn. Our son is going to be a politician!"
via www.mnsinc.com/oalami/LaughPage/
Bad Joke of the Month for June 1997:
The Pope was on his way to the UN building, to give a very important speech. But his plane was late and there was a lot of heavy traffic. He kept telling the chauffeur to go faster. The chauffeur turned around and said "Your holiness, I'm trying to go as fast as I can, If I go any faster I will get another speeding ticket and I will lose my license" And the Pope said" I understand, I will drive !" So the Pope got up into the drivers seat and he started going 160 MPH.
A cop pulls him over and says " Oh I am sorry my holiness, go along."
Then the cop takes out his cell phone and dials the station and says " Guess who I pulled over?" "Who, the Mayor?" "Bigger than that!" "The Governor?" "Bigger than that." "The President?" "No, bigger" "Then who?" "I don't know, but his chauffeur is the Pope."
via www.Idon'tremember.com/
Bad Joke of the Month for May 1997:
A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."
via Anonymous through Lorjie Kiokan
Bad Joke of the Month for April 1997:
Did you hear what cleanser they used to clean up the mansion with where the Heaven's Gate cult committed suicide, after they got the bodies out?
Comet, naturally.
via jlamantia@
Bad Joke of the Month for March 1997:
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what? "The man replied "I work for the IRS."
via http://www.mnsinc.com/oalami/LaughPage/
Bad Joke of the Month for February 1997:
A burglar breaks into a house in the ritzier area of town. He's sure that there's nobody home but he sneaks in, doesn't turn on any lights and heads for where he thinks the valuables are kept. He hears a voice say, "I can see you! Jesus can see you, too! He freezes in his tracks! He doesn't move a muscle! A couple of minutes go by. The voice repeats "I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!" He slowly takes out his flashlight, switches it on and looks around the room. He sees a birdcage with a parrot in it. "Did you say that?" The parrot says again, "I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!" "Ha! So what?! You're just a parrot!" says the burglar. "I may be just a parrot", replies the parrot. "But Jesus is a Doberman!"
via www.danielsen.com/jokes
Bad Joke of the Month for January 1997:
So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks, claws, and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets_very_ quiet. At first, the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
via www.danielsen.com/jokes
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