Previous Bad Jokes of the Month from 1998
1996, 1997, January 1998, February 1998, March 1998, April 1998, May 1998, June 1998, July 1998, August 1998, September 1998, October 1998, November 1998, December 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002,2003, 2004,
Bad Joke of the Month for December 1998:
A book dealer had a near death experience the other day when he went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. He tried with all his might to hang on, but was thrown off. With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell head first to the ground. His head continued to bounce on the ground as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the store manager came out and unplugged it.
via Kathy@
Bad Joke of the Month for November 1998:
A dealer of fine first editions opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.
When the police arrived at the scene, the book dealer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You book dealers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
"Oh my gaaaad...", replied the dealer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. "Where's my Rolex???!!!!"
via MeLisa@
Bad Joke of the Month for October 1998:
Her husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and she was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."
Flattered, she continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later he woke up and said, "You're cute."
"What happened to 'beautiful'?" she asked him.
"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.
via Joke A Day
Bad Joke of the Month for September 1998:
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants.
The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"
To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?"
"Certainly," replied the warden.
He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"
"Please," pleaded the condemned man, "kill me first."
via LaughPage
Bad Joke of the Month for August 1998:
While at my reunion my best friend in high school, Tom, related a real
drink spitter (AKA: really funny one, for those of you not from Indiana).
It seems the local high school janitor was having a terrible time with
a new fad... Kissing the rest room mirrors and leaving lipstick prints.
So the vice principal gathered all the girls wearing lipstick and escorted
them to rest room. There they were introduced to the janitor and told of
his dilemma. The vice principal then asked the janitor to show the girls
just how difficult it actually is to remove lipstick from the mirrors.
So, the janitor, with scrub brush in hand, steps into a stall, dips his
brush, comes out and proceeds to smear lip prints... Seems the girls were
so guilt stricken, the school no longer has this particular problem.
via Tom H.
Bad Joke of the Month for July 1998:
The LAPD, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
Then the FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
Then the LAPD goes in. They come out only two hours later with a badly beaten badger. The animal is yelling, "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
via www.funnytown.com
Bad Joke of the Month for June 1998:
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
via www.funnytown.com
Bad Joke of the Month for May 1998:
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked,
"I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only a kiss a yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.
via www.jokeaday.com
Bad Joke of the Month for April 1998:
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?".
via http://www.Idon'tremember.com/
Bad Joke of the Month for March 1998:
Pikabo Street, after winning her Olympic gold medal for skiing, received $1 million for product endorsements, but didn't keep one penny of it. She gave it all to the hospital in her small home town, which lacked an Intensive Care Unit. They're so grateful they're going to name the new facility after Miss Street, calling it the Pikabo ICU.
via R.D. von T.
Bad Joke of the Month for February 1998:
A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets) and Psalms 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS: I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150.00.
If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest.
via Jokeaday.com
Bad Joke of the Month for January 1998:
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the cave's roof to get some sleep.
Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
"OK, follow me." He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Do you see that tree over there?"
"YES, YES, YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Well, I didn't!"
via Dee Dee's Loonie Bin Of Jokes!
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